Times Like These

Ten years ago today, we were celebrating my mom's last birthday. Nine years ago today, she celebrated her first birthday dancing the streets of Heaven. Today, my heart aches a little extra as I miss her and wish we could be celebrating with her. I had written this blog entry several weeks ago when words flowed easier and haven't had a chance to post it yet, but I thought it was fitting for where my heart is on this very day. Sure do miss you, Mom!

Times like these really make me miss my own Mama. As we near meeting our daughter and beginning life with her, I am ever-so-aware of my aching heart. I think about how she would have just loved Dan and thought the world of him being a Daddy to her grand-daughter; how she would have been calling me every day to see how her Grandbaby was doing throughout this process; how her eyes would light up at some of the doctors’ appointments that she would go with us to when she got to see Baby squirm on the ultrasound screen; how she would have loved to take big girls trips to go shopping for this Little One; how we would go get celebratory pedicures together before the big day; how she would  have already made plans on how she was going to be at the hospital that very first moment to meet her; how she would have been staying at our house that first week and teaching me her own parenting tricks; how she would be telling stories of us when we were little over late night feedings or diaper changes; how she would always be there when I needed a shoulder to cry on when our lives change so quickly; how we would laugh and cry together about all of the memories we had growing up; how we would dream about all of the birthday parties and holidays that would be so much more richer because of our baby girl; how she would light up my girl’s eyes when she heard that “Grandma was coming for the weekend” just because she could; or how she wouldn’t miss my girl’s first birthday party, dance recital or prom.

In times like these, I pray for strength -- to be able to be fully present and thankful for the family that God still gives us special moments with and not yearning for what I no longer have. I am praying for strength that first moment I see my daughter’s eyes that I am not heart-broken because my own Mom isn’t there to share those moments with. But I am comforted by the truth:

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18).”

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).”

I am thankful for the short 16 years that I had with my Mom, and I am ever-so-grateful for this Baby Girl of my own. I can only pray that I would leave as much of a lasting legacy on her life as my own Mom did on mine. I am a better person because of her, and for that I am eternally thankful.

Looking forward to the glorious day when I can be with her again, when tears are never shed, and when our hearts don't ache missing someone so near and dear. What a beautiful day that will be. We love you, Mom!